Fresh out of high school, enjoying the freedom of college life; partying, friends, boys. Then all of the sudden it hits me. I’m in love with my best friend. It was nothing less than perfect. Being in the arms of the man you love…there is no greater feeling. I remember thinking, we’ll get married, have kids, grow old together and live happily ever after. Sure couples have issues, but we’re strong and in love. What can break us?? Nothing! I was 19 years old and thought I was on top of the world. Nobody could tell me I was wrong, because I had him. I found the man with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But how did I get here,at this moment right now?
Life sure does take its course. School, work, kids, home, the stress of everyday life..I longed for moments of peace, moments of just us holding each other. Where did I go wrong? Hindsight is 20/20 and I now can pin point events in my life where I went wrong; where we went wrong. Flash forward 15 years later and I’m in a house with my three daughters and no husband.
When you you’re awake for 19-20 hours in a day, you can get a lot of thinking done. I thought of when we stopped caring about each other, when did we stop listening or for that matter did we ever listen, when did we begin to resent each other, when did I feel my relationship was lacking the attention and affection from my husband that unbeknown to me, I found that in another man? Was a really that dumb? Or was I that neglected? Did I not tell him or was my approach the problem? Isn’t the message of spend more time with me the same weather I scream it or say it politely? I always believed that God has a plan for everyone. We may not see it or know it, but he has one. Did God make this my plan? I find that hard to believe since I was the one that committed the act that caused my husband to leave. Did God give my husband the sixth sense to become a detective and search for my indiscretion? Or better yet, does God have anything to do with this? In my darkest hour, I pray like I have never prayed before, but now I feel like he doesn’t hear my prayers.